Th’Adventures o’Cap’n Dyke Continue…

When we last left Th’ Cap’n…

Th’lesbian Pirate Queen lifted her hand up and began to rub between her brows. “I don’t know what in blazes you’re talking about, but I need to sit down. I’m done to a cow’s thumb.”

“Marvelous, how simply marvelous!” Kettle clapped in delight. “Part of my theory was that time-travel would cause some loss of equilibrium! This is horribly fantastic! That you’ve managed to stay conscious at all is utterly remarkable!”

Cap’n Dyke wobbled, took a step forward and fell to the floor

 

Chapter 9

“Ah, you’ve opened your lamps then.” The voice drifted to the lesbian Pirate Queen’s ears as she awoke. “The Mistress said to make sure you bathed and got into some new togs afore you joined her for tea.”

Th’ Cap’n sat up suddenly in a heavily wooded, richly appointed four-poster and peeked around the heavy, brocade curtains for the owner of the voice.

A skinny young woman came towards the bed bearing a heavy black robe. “You can put this on so you won’t chill going down the hall for the bath.”

Th’lesbian Pirate Queen suddenly felt the cool breeze and looked down to a full view of Her Bow.

“We took the liberty of getting your dirty dunnage off you before we put you in to bed.” The woman explained, clucking her tongue. “Wouldn’t do to get grease on the clean sheets, now would it?”

“We?”

“Dr. Kettle and myself. My name is Penelope, by the way. Penelope Cog. I’ll be attending you during your stay here at Dr. Kettle’s home.”

******

“Good.” Alice Kettle declared as Cap’n Dyke walked into the dining-room. “You look completely out of twig from your former self. Sit down and have a bite to eat; it should help restore you.”

“It would ‘help’ if you restored me to my former place.” Th’ Cap’n stated then stopped to take in the various brick-a-brack and the audacious setting around her. “I see someone was a bit over the top with the decorating. Looks like Haymarket exploded in here.”

Dark red and maroon velvet wallpaper on the walls, gilded gewgaws abounded on every possible empty spot and all the furniture covered with gaudy cloth as if hiding from embarrassment. A glance out the room’s large windows presented a shock to Th’ Cap’n that promptly made her forget her hideous surroundings.

Stone buildings filled the view – buildings taller than any she’d ever seen heaved up into the sky with so many windows glaring out into the bright sun that they looked like a thousand hawk eyes glittering with malice. Weighty smoke seemed to hang above them like malevolent clouds and there were objects flying around and by them like huge birds.

Out in the street under these structures, heavy carriages made of brass rumbled by without the assistance of horses – all Cap’n Dyke saw was a man or woman perched on top of each, pulling levers.

Cap’n Dyke sat down with a thump in an elaborately carved, overstuffed chair. “Where the hell am I?”

Alice Kettle picked up a scone and buttered it then took a crunchy bite out of it before answering. “I told you. Paris. Paris in 1830 to be exact.”

******

“When she gets back I’m going to put a leash on her.” Blue Gal grumbled as she sat down with the others to eat.

Threading Water laughed. “Oh, I’m sure Th’ Cap’n will go for that without a spark!”

Th’BlogMate started chewing her bottom lip. “Darby said that she was there one moment mowin’ down Redbacks like she was bringing in th’hay an’ then th’next she wasn’t t’be found.”

“’Tis truth.” Darby agreed after a fine draught o’beer. “I was able t’get away in the confusion – there bein’ so many wounded an’ all. The Captain wields a mean sword. The Scots would be ruling England now if she’d been on our side, I tell you – an’, by the way, I want ye to call me DCup from now on. Sounds like a proper piratical name…”

Th’other two woman raised their eyebrows (aye, ’twas not not as impressive as Th’ Cap’n an’ Her Astoundin’ Left Eyebrow Raise, but ’twas good enough for th’moment) an’ looked at one another most curiously.

******

Alice Kettle settled down near the blazing fire and offered Th’ Cap’n a rolled stick.

Th’lesbian Pirate Queen declined and then watched in fascination as the other woman picked up a small brass cylinder and produced a small flame with a click. She set this to the end of the stick and it began to smoke like a pipe.

Cap’n Dyke was relieved to smell tobacco smouldering – she had no idea what was going to happen next and she didn’t like the feeling one bit.

Kettle continued where they’d left off in the dining-room. “I must have overshot time.” She explained. “The Instance Indicator obviously will get a few tweaks. It was my first time trying to retrieve anything bigger than a ground squirrel from that area. Still, I was definitely off the mark by about a half a millennium, so perhaps I’ll stick to small things until I can zero in on the proper equation better.”

“Well held.” Cap’n Dyke murmured, fascinated by the sight of the other woman pulling in the smoke from the small tube.

“As I was saying.” The other woman continued. “The American Colonies were defeated soundly in 1778 after they declared war on England with their impractical declaration of independence. It was quickly done after Dr. Hermonius Bottomless discovered the chemicals needed to produce a gas that could be spread by rockets. Our troops just fired them into the villages and towns before they marched in. All the revolutionaries were fast asleep – no doubt dreaming of their independence – and they woke to find themselves in prison or on the execution dock. Afterwards it was easy to keep them under control. We’ve brought order and civilization to Britlantic now. They have a proper Governor in George ‘Cambridge Frat Boy’ Bush. He understands the vast gulf that exists between wealthy aristocracy and the common masses…”

“Britlantic?”

“Yes. King George sent over his son and tons of soldiers and all is well and happy in the former colonies. They produce more and enough to help England to rule the world.”