Discovered on expediton t’Steampunk Workshop.

Avast ye - stop and check this out or pay attention

Aye - yes

Batten down the hatches - put everything away on the ship and tie everything down because a storm is brewing

Bilge-sucking - insult

Blimey! - exhortation of surprise

Blow me down! - expression of shock of disbelief akin to “Holy Crap!”

Blow the man down - command to kill someone

Booty - treasure

Buccaneer - a pirate

Bucko - a buccaneer

Cat O’Nine Tails - a whip with nine strands

Corsair - pirates in the Mediterranean Sea

Crow’s nest - small platform atop the mast where the lookout stands

Cutlass - short heavy curved bladed sword used by pirates

Davy Jones’ Locker - fabled, mythical place at the bottom of the ocean where the evil spirit of Davy Jones brings sailor and pirates to die

Dead men tell no tales - phrase indicating to leave no survivors

Doubloons - other coins or found in pirate hoards and stashes

Feed the fish - will soon die

Hang ‘im from the yardarm - punishment of those captured in battle

Head - the pirate ship’s toilet

Heave Ho - give it some muscle and push it

Hempen Halter - a noose for hanging

Hornswaggle - to defraud or cheat out of money or belongings

Jacob’s Ladder - the rope ladder one uses to climb aboard a sloop

Jolly Roger - pirate’s flag including white skull and crossbones over a black field

Keelhaul - punishment in which a person where dragged underneath the pirate ship from side to side and was lacerated by the barnacles on the vessel

Lad, lass, lassie - a younger person

Landlubber - big, slow clumsy person who doesn’t know how to sail

Letters of Marque - letters issue from governments during wartime to privateers endorsing the piracy of another vessel

Man-O-War - pirate’s ship outfitted for battle

Me - my

Mizzen - third mast from the bow of the ship on ships that have three or more masts

Old Salt - an experienced sailor

Pieces of eight - coins or found in pirate stashes

Pillage - rob, sack or plunder

Poop deck - the part of the ship farthest to the back, which is usually above the captain’s quarters. This is not the bathroom.

Privateer - government-sponsored pirates

Rum - pirate’s traditional alcoholic beverage

Run a shot across the bow - warning shot to another vessel’s captain

Savvy? - do you understand and do you agree?

Scallywag - mild insult akin to rapscallion or rogue

Scurvy dog - the pirate is talking directly to you with mild insult

Scuttle - to sink a ship

Seadog - old pirate or sailor

Shark bait - will soon join Davy Jones’ Locker

Shipshape - cleaned up and under control

Shiver me timbers! - comparable to “Holy Crap!”

Son of a Biscuit Eater - insult directed towards someone you don’t like

Thar she blows! - Whale sighting

Three sheets to the wind - someone who is very drunk. One sheet is mildly drunk and four sheets is passed out.

Walk the plank - punishment in which person walks off a board jutting over the side of the ship while at sea. The consequence is drowning and a visit to Davy Jones’ Locker.

Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! - pull up the anchor and the sail and let’s get going

Ye - you

Yo Ho Ho - cheerful exhortation to demand attention

O’course, Th’ Cap’n Pillaged these from somewhere…tryin’ t’remember where Me Self was that night, actually.

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.

6. When you have Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.

4. You don’t have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can’t lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you.

It be truth. Th’ Cap’n found this at mit.edu…

Barbie Doll and Tanner Scooper Dog Set.

The maker of this product says “Finally, Barbie has a dog that eats and makes a mess! Tanner the dog is soft and fuzzy and her mouth, ears, head and tail really move! You can open Tanner dog’s mouth and “feed” her dog biscuits. Comes with a dog bone and chew toys that Tanner can hold in her mouth, too. When Tanner has to go to the bathroom, Barbie doll cleans up with her special magnetic scooper and trash can. Poseable Barbie doll included.”

Is it Me Self — or does th’food an’ th’…ummm, ‘deposits’ look like the same thing?

She found this at — ready? — Chicken Crap.

O’course, we be knowin’ that nothin’ be as deadly as an ‘idiot’. Nothin’.

APPLETON, Wisc. (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - A couple in Wisconsin telephoned police in the middle of the night after finding a man in their basement covered head to toe in barbecue sauce.

“He told the officers that it was urban camouflage,” said the homeowner.

The homeowners say they woke up to whistling sounds. The husband grabbed his shotgun and headed toward the basement where he found the sauced-up intruder. He held him at gunpoint until police arrived.

The guy told officers he had covered himself in barbecue sauce because he wanted to hide from the government.

He now faces burglary charges.

Th’ Cap’n could say somethin’ veddy inflammatory here, but witholds Her comment. She’ll just be lettin’ th’rest o’ye go for it an’ then will grin alot. Fine then, I’ll say it. Subpoena. Hiding from the government. Karl Rove. BBQ Sauce. Pig. There.

Now, Me new land-base be in Louisville, Ky. Mighty fine here.  Th’ Cap’n thanks ye, one an’ all, for yer Patience an’ Perseverance.  A lesbian Pirate Queen’s Life be n’er dull, believe Me.

Th’ Cap’n be in the midst o’an interstate move; She hasn’t been kidnapped or be stowed away shanghaied. Go about yer duties and Me Self will be with ye by mid-week next. As ye were…behave — or not.

“Infidels are intellectual discoverers. They sail the unknown seas and find new isles and continents in the infinite realms of thought.

An Infidel is one who has found a new fact, who has an idea of his own, and who in the mental sky has seen another star.

He is an intellectual capitalist, and for that reason excites the envy and hatred of the theological pauper.”

Robert Green Ingersoll

Nygard Cay [Bahamas] - This Mayan architecture tree house island is an affluent traveler’s perfect getaway. The Cay lies on the tip of Lyford Cay in Nassau, Bahamas. With waterslides, pools, hot tubs, tennis courts and an 85 foot yacht, this is an adult playground in the rain forest. This is the only way to vacation in the Bahamas. Price: $42,000 USD / day.

Click here t’see th’other pirate (ummm, private) islands that ye can cavort on…for a price.