“Muffin Is Pressed into Piratical Piratehood”
So then, Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery just be mindin’ his own business an’ was walking quite innocently in the field near the giant chickens, when…
Disaster struck –
In th’furry form o’ a bearded monkey!
Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery was certain-sure he was done for an’ that th’malformed monkey would be havin’ him for mince-meat, when…
A Piratical Parrot swooped down an’ tore him from th’clutches o’ th’primal primate.
Th’Piratical Parrot flew off with Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery’s, ears held painfully tight in his beak an’ came t’light on a perch in ‘The Skull & Crossbones Pub’ (Strong Ales & Loose Women)…
Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, bit th’Piratical Parrot viciously on one gnarly toe an’ he was FREE!
Only t’fall into th’Horrid Hands o’ th’Black Hands o’Horror – Pirates.
They made Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, swear an Allegiance t’their Bawdy Band o’Brothers…
but they keelhauled ‘em anyway – because they could…
Just as Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, was breathin’ in his last breath, he was SAVED…by another monkey with an eye patch.
Still, Th’Horrid Hands o’Horror made Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, work very hard. They made him clean th’cannon…
without tellin’ him…
Proper Safety Procedures…
The Horrid Hands o’Horror made him take watch in th’Crow’s Nest…in th’dark..in th’night…
But it was so windy that he blew off
th’ship
He fell into the ocean but managed t’just…barely…reach a floating leathern tankard
which Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, promptly clambered into – thus savin’ his Life, but
He had no food or water an’ was nearly perishin’ o’thirst an’ hunger an’ it seemed All Was Lost an’ th’Piratical Version o’Death was goin’ t’take him t’Muffin Hell…
when a katana came down into th’water (narrowly missin’ takin’ off an’ ear) an’ picked him up t’safety – good thing Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery was already neuthered at th’vet…
Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery’s Plight touched th’Cold, Dark Heart o’ Th’Ship’s Captain, who fed an’ watered him an’ taught him t’fight a fine piratical way…
After many happy years together bein’ th’Scourge o’ th’Seven Seas, Muffin an’ Th’ Cap’n parted ways (Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, got Her Autograph though)
An’ Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery, opened a convenience pub in Th’Florida Keys with his Pirate Wench Wife an’ lived a long life liberatin’ landlubbers o’ their loot.
Th’End
